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A former staff writer for The Onion offers a humorous checklist to help people feel good about themselves by listing the small things everyone can potentially excel at, including finding the Big Dipper and fixing the toilet by jiggling the handle. Original. 30,000 first printing. Andy Selsberg is a former staff writer for the Onion, and his writing has appeared in the New York Times, GQ, the Village Voice, Salon, the Oxford American, and the Believer, among other publications. He is the creator of Dear Old Love.