Communicating by the Rules

Imagine a football game with unspoken rules, made up as the game moves along. Players are penalized, even when they don't know a rule exists. Everybody doesn't have to play by the rules, but everybody is judged by them. The game can move anywhere, because there are no boundaries.

Sounds like a mess, right? Yet this happens with communication, and we wonder what went wrong. Conversations go out of bounds, and it isn't okay. There are so many topics in play, we don't know what we're talking about anymore. There were multiple missteps, but who knew? Without rules, one pushes the other to play, while the other withdraws to avoid it.

Rules pair his/her expectations, so we're playing the same game the same way with the same goal. While communication is no game, it needs rules to keep it in bounds and accomplish its goals. What are the rules? Who decides? In this book, we'll:

• Walk through basic rules for communication
• Help you discover your unique rules
• Apply those rules to various types of conversations
• Lay out expanding communication to support stabilizing, healing, and deepening your relationship

So, what are you waiting for? It's time to play ball!