Separating the Wheat from The Tare

I can remember feeling like my grief may be the death of me as I would come and go not knowing how I go to and from. I would think of joining my mother in heaven and the thought alone would bring me peace in pockets. When I would come back to myself in thought to remember my daughter and husband awaiting me to return to them mentally and emotionally. I could not see beyond my grief and the physical pain my heart felt. Every time I closed my eyes, I envisioned my mother's last days, reliving my decisions, doubts, and regrets. Even though at the time I had to make some of the hardest calls in my life I did so from a bounty of prayer, counsel, and careful consideration. Knowing this did not soothe the painful replays of my mother begging me to choose other options, it was a nightmare that plagued my days. How would I ever recover from this? You have been friends for years and suddenly you aren't doing life together and you don't understand why. Just a month ago you were making plans to start life anew and now your plans have abruptly shifted. All your life you wanted to become a dancer, you attended school, practiced hours on end, and worked hard to perfect your craft. With one left turn, an accident stole your dream career and seemingly your hope. You married your college sweetheart, planned for a life together, married with children you learn your spouse has cheated the entirety of your marriage and everyone knew; except you. Now they are leaving you and you don't even recognize yourself in the mirror. You have worked hard and should be next in line for a promotion. You get called into your boss's office, excited to hear good news instead you are being let go. Maybe your plans abruptly changed, you became a caretaker, inherited someone else's children, a life event crippled you with fear and anxiety. Something happens while walking through the pain, your reflections, introspect, value, and healing evolve over time. Walking through my process I have learned so much about myself that I simply would not have if not forced to sit in loss, accept silence, and do the work necessary to heal. I question myself often wondering would I have learned these lessons in another season? Hopefully. Would that season be prompted by grief, driving me closer to God and ultimately catapult me to a better version of myself? Who knows? You too, will grow in leaps and bounds as you allow your heart to ready itself for what is next. The knowing will come and the growth is not easy but oh the empathy, understanding, grace, and compel to purpose that will rise within. On the heels of loss is preparation for a fullness unknown, this is something you can be sure of IF you do the work.