Deep Listening

A revolutionary guide to transformational listening, drawing upon the latest scientific studies and in-the-field-research to show readers how to truly hear-and be heard.

We all think we're good listeners . . . but how many of us actually are? Even in important moments-like a high-stakes work meeting or a stressful conversation with a spouse-we are distracted, daydreaming, or planning out what we ourselves want to say. We may walk away from the interaction unsure if we have fully understood our counterpart.

True Deep Listening has the power to transform relationships-between coworkers, friends, lovers, and even warring countries. Emily Kasriel, who ran one of the most extensive studies on listening practices across the globe, lays out her proven 8-step method:

1. Create Space: Find or create a place of safety.
2. Listen to Yourself: Forge a more positive relationship with yourself.
3. Be Present: Eliminate external distractions that get in the way of truly listening.
4. Be Curious: Refine listening qualities such as empathy and acknowledgment.
5. Hold the Gaze: Explore the power of a warm-hearted gaze and other nonverbal cues.
6. Hold the Silence: Unravel the many types of silence and reasons why you resist silence.
7. Reflect Back: Crystallize what you're hearing and reflect it back to your speaker.
8. Go Deeper: Illuminate what ordinarily lies hidden-your speaker's deeper narrative

Kasriel offers satisfying answers to the big questions of human communication: How can the act of listening transcend a mere transactional exchange of information? How can we reach across divides-cultural, political, and generational-to foster true emotional connection? And why does your teenage daughter only open up about her life when you're in the car together?

Beautifully illustrated with the author's original black & white watercolors, Deep Listening is an essential guide that will improve our connection to others and enhance our compassion.